One of the biggest disappointments of my childhood is due to Disneyland. It is a visual shock when you enter the gates to find yourself at the start of Main Street, the main street leading to the different universes of the park. All these facades of unknown architecture, brightly colored, behind which my imagination as a 7-year-old boy supposes a whole world to explore. Immediately I escape the surveillance of my parents, venture under one of these porches and discover that it concealed a goodies store. The next house is a normal cafe. Then the same type of shop again with the same stupid hats. No stairs, no door, no living room, no America. These are just facades, movie sets held by scaffolding.
It’s not very different when you meet someone you want to seduce
In the manner of a push-up you push to the front what you have most that is most entertaining to offer. Culture, travel stories, anecdotes, jokes. We do not show who we are, we say who we are and the difference is sometimes dizzying! We discover that this man who was so funny in his messages only knew a few jokes that he reused constantly, that this woman who talked about painting with passion never put her feet in a museum and only owned a few elements of language and names of painters that she sprinkled here and there.
Sometimes it’s the personality itself that disappoints us, because we project on this unknown the image of the person that we would like him or her to be. I recently saw the movie Revolutionary Weddings, with DiCaprio and Kate Winslet (excellent play) where the young woman discovers behind the one she wanted talented, adventurous and romantic a banal commercial who is content with a job that he himself despises.
First clue to see through the mask, it is to observe how the other behaves not with you (this will be mastered) but with others. An example: the way the other addresses the waiters, the drivers, the beggars, the children who come to play in your feet, the tourists who come to ask for information, even the animals.
It is then to ask different questions that will break the established pattern of the appointment.
To know if he is close to the family (suppose that it is an important value for you) do not ask him directly, ask him how his grandmother met his grandfather. Call me perverse if you want, but you are recruiting the person who will spend the most time with you in the coming months / years.
Finally, to really know who someone is, you must look at how they spend their free time. It is when one passes from the “date” format to the “day” format that one learns the most about the person one frequents. From here to make this experience, usually not before several weeks, do not draw too quick conclusions to meet a life.
All this to say to pay more attention to the way a person works, to his inner mechanisms, to his habits, to his temperament, to his values, to the facade he presents to you in the first two dates. And if I write this article, it is also to invite you to reflect on the image you project, to know what are your facades which deserve to be dismantled and what are the hidden faces that you would allow someone to get a glimpse at . Finally let’s not forget that we humans are relatively mundane creatures, selling dreams is within our reach but not realizing it 7 days a week and 24 hours a day. Let’s not be naive and learn to appreciate the love parade for what it is.
And luckily at Disneyland, there are still attractions.
