Hello Yann,
I regularly watch your videos on YouTube and recently subscribed to your channel. I’m looking for a video that corresponds to my situation, maybe you haven’t covered this topic yet. I am attracted to a man (an acquaintance for 2 years, he was in a relationship but isn’t anymore). I like him a lot to the point of not wanting to miss anything with him. He has asked me out to dinner twice, and we both enjoyed those times. Now he is inviting me to have dinner at his place, and we haven’t had our first kiss yet. I’ve seen in your videos that you should never go to a man’s house if you’re not ready to sleep with him. I would like to kiss him on several occasions before sleeping with him or having to dodge. What should I say to his invitation? Suggest meeting somewhere else?
And if I go to his place, will he understand that I want to stop at the kissing stage but want to go further on future occasions?
Thank you in advance for your response.
Laure
Hi Laure,
I think you are referring to a video on my channel where I advise to only go to his or your place when you feel confident enough to sleep together. I want to clarify here, as this idea has sometimes been misunderstood and distorted to suggest that I support the idea of rape. Obviously not, I would like to remind you that going to one another’s place does not commit you to anything (for either of you), but it does leave the possibility for things to progress more quickly. This is important for a smooth progression of the relationship, without having to negatively respond to advances, which is unpleasant for both the person being rejected and the one rejecting. End of clarification.
Your issue is actually quite simple, Laure. All you need to do is take control following his proposal. Thank him for the invitation (always reward positive behavior) and suggest a different setting that promotes closeness and better suits your desires and pace. For example, you can say:
Thank you for the invitation, but before I try your cooking, I have something else in mind that might surprise you. Are you free at 8 pm?
It doesn’t matter what kind of outing you suggest, as long as it reflects your personality. The idea is to create a situation that encourages him to kiss you. If it’s not cold outside, a walk is a good idea. It allows you to walk arm in arm, stop in certain places, and have “those kinds of moments”. You don’t have to spend the entire date walking; you can meet at point A, walk for 15 minutes, and then settle somewhere else. To facilitate a kiss, avoid static activities like going to the cinema or theater, and instead choose outings where you can move around and get closer. A museum or exhibition works well, as does a fair. Standing close enough to kiss without having to move your feet and maintaining eye contact is the most obvious signal when it’s time to kiss. I think it’s complicating things to send no signals to a man and expect him to grab you by the waist, spin you around at 50 frames per second, and kiss you passionately and sensually. In a successful date, a man will want to kiss you, and he even feels a sort of social pressure to do so. He thinks, “I have to do it” and that he has to do it neither too early nor too late…
He will wait for the right moment. What could be simpler than indicating to him when that moment is? You don’t need to tell him (that would be awkward); just slow down the conversation, get closer to him, look more at his mouth, and say “kiss me” with your eyes. If nothing still happens, you can initiate the movement with a slow nod of your head. Or, you can just go ahead and kiss him directly if you feel that he wants it too.
