You’ve just met someone new, during a night out or on an app. You’ve exchanged numbers. You want to draw him in by revealing your qualities, interests and opinions. You have regular text conversations between each date. Stop right there!
Excessive messaging can do more harm than good
Writing can be a great way to secure a connection, but we never hear at which stage it is most effective, or when it makes you more attractive, or when it can have the opposite effect. Not talking to your crush at all would be counterproductive. However, there are still a few rules you should follow, which will help build anticipation and keep him interested in you.
– Why can’t we do what we feel like doing and just be ourselves when we’re messaging, Yann?
– I’m glad you asked that.
You are using texts (or, insert your preferred choice of messaging app) as a way to get to know the men you meet. Whether this is because you believe it’s the only way, or you enjoy having his attention, it leads to 3 problems:
- You reveal too much, too soon = There is no sense of anticipation once you meet up, you can only repeat what you have already told him in your messages. Sometimes you can add a little more detail, but that’s not always the case.
- You become too invested, and he picks up on it = You start expecting things from him, when he should be the one trying to chase after you.
- You start to develop feelings for him and become attached = This does not tend to happen to men during the talking stage.
Texting shouldn’t be for getting to know each other, you have dates for that. Texting should remain a way to get from when you first met, whether it was face to face or through an app, to the first date, and then on to the following dates.
Something I often see during my coaching sessions is that you tend to write a lot. You think you’re doing the right thing, and maybe you don’t even realise it, but the reality is that you are saying too much. Most of the time, you are putting in more effort than the man you want to seduce. Don’t assume that because you are developing feelings during your conversations, the same is happening to him.
To be honest with you, and I’m in a good position to tell you this, at this stage men can still separate their physical attraction and their emotions very easily. In fact, they are mainly motivated by physical attraction in the beginning. This doesn’t mean they’re awful arseholes only looking to sleep with you, this is just the natural order for them. If men acted exactly the same as women, you wouldn’t need my advice. 😉
Win points with your texts
Now you’ve started to think that you have messed everything up. That everything you have heard so far, you have been doing the opposite. Don’t panic yet. Let’s look at what would be the best approach to adopt in your situation, and how you can make yourself stand out from the other women you may be competing against. 🤫
When you spend too much time talking through messages, you show that you are available and up for a conversation. Whilst the intention behind this is undeniably positive, it ends up having the opposite effect. In reality, to keep him interested, you must make him doubt your interest in him, and ensure that he does not take you for granted. He doesn’t need to know everything that you are doing, and exactly what is going on in your life. Keep your cards close to your chest.
Not knowing the answers to these questions will make him eager to find out more, and to see you.
Would you still want to see a film if someone had already told you about the whole cast, the plot, or even the ending? I doubt it. At least I wouldn’t.
Don’t do anything stupid and keep things simple. Try not to reply too quickly, and if he suggests a date, say yes. Don’t say too much. You’ll have plenty of time to do that in person.
