We often tend to define our happiness based on things, people or events in our lives. Therefore, many people make their relationship the sole source of their happiness. Indeed, being in a healthy and fulfilling relationship brings a lot of joy, allows us to develop and push our limits! However, this way of functioning has limits and can expose our relationship to a danger, that of exhaustion (some also talk about love burnout). Discover why and how developing your happiness outside of your relationship will help you conserve its energy to continue growing.
The synergy effect at the beginning of a relationship
At the beginning of any relationship, a synergy effect is created. When we meet someone with whom a real connection is made, we feel full of energy. This effect is even stronger if this connection is romantic. Also, in the early stages, we want to be in on all the action. We need less sleep and have less desire to eat junk food, for example. Above all, we want to spend as much time as possible with the person. We always ask for more. The need to feel this synergy is strong and drives us towards each other. I remember that at the beginning of my last relationship, we spent the first few weeks sleeping only 4 hours a night, absorbed by the desire to discover more about each other and to continue feeling the energy we had together. I didn’t feel tired despite my workdays! I was boosted by what we were experiencing! It’s because we always demand more of this energy that we naturally end up wanting to do everything together. We spend more and more time together, and all of this seems natural.
Energy control
As beautiful as a love story may be, there will inevitably be disagreements at some point. Obviously, we try to push them as far as possible, but they are part of the development! The problem is not there. The problem is that when all our energy and happiness are drawn from the relationship, even the slightest “down” is experienced very intensely. It then affects not only the dynamics of the couple but also our own dynamics as individuals. Suddenly we find ourselves deprived of the previously created energy. As we have not maintained our own happiness outside of the relationship, when a problem arises, it takes up all the space and deprives us of happiness. We then feel drained and helpless until this problem is resolved.
Important step back
It is then essential to take the necessary step back to understand that obviously, our couple life contributes to our happiness. However, it should not rely solely on it. To be able to be happy together, we must first know how to be happy… alone. If you are single, it’s time to take advantage of it to develop yourself and define your happiness on your own terms. If you are in a relationship and a little too dependent on each other, take the time to think about what brought joy to your life before your relationship. It could be a sports or artistic activity, small rituals, etc. It’s about knowing how to maintain your happiness, even when the desire to spend all your time with your loved one is felt!
Less pressure on each other
By developing yourself outside of the relationship, you let go of some of the pressure. This helps to reduce the pressure on the expectations we may have! It is common in couples for one of the two to be more demanding than the other, which is awkward for both! By creating happiness through things other than moments spent together, you put less weight on your shoulders regarding what your couple is supposed to bring you. In general, we are responsible for our own happiness, not our partner. Of course, we must do our best to contribute to the other’s happiness, but we are not the guarantors of it!
Better reconnecting
Take time for yourself. Reconnect with your hobbies from before the relationship, and why not find new ones! Don’t hesitate to innovate, try new activities, and reconnect with friends who have drifted away. Learn to appreciate these moments for yourself and cherish them too! When you reunite with your partner, you’ll have stories to share! Additionally, this will give you enough space to miss each other a bit and appreciate the time together even more. By developing yourselves outside the relationship, you’ll bring a new energy to the relationship and break the routine. Personally, I’ve always loved these moments of reconnection. Each of us carries the energy we’ve developed on our own through the activities we enjoy. These moments are an opportunity to communicate what we’ve experienced and celebrate the reunion!
Moving forward together
The idea is to move forward together, with each other. A part of you inevitably merges with the other, it’s normal and beautiful! But each person must still maintain their individuality to not forget themselves and stay happy. This way, you’ll continue to bring each other new knowledge and experiences. Being with someone who cares for their own happiness and knows how to share it is a gift for everyone!
