At the beginning of a relationship, especially if our friends or family are following along, we enthusiastically recount what is happening between us and our significant other . There’s nothing wrong with that. However, when the relationship becomes serious and the first grey clouds appear, relying on conversations about the relationship can be risky. Unfortunately, not everyone has the necessary perspective to understand, and not everyone is a good listener to confide in about the obstacles encountered. In this article, we will therefore see how to learn to exchange about one’s relationship in a constructive way.
Confiding in the wrong people in the wrong way.
When we talk too much about our relationship, and not to the right people, two things can happen. In the eyes of your loved ones, you risk discrediting not only your partner and your relationship, but also your choices. They will remember everything you said and mostly the negative aspects. They will base their opinion on your vision at that moment and with only one side of the story. They may not be very encouraging for the future. They might even try to intervene. Your partner could feel a certain antipathy during a meeting… If they found out, they could see it as a betrayal, and it would certainly affect their trust in you.
Also, some people, despite their good intentions, can make you rethink a relationship that has all the chances of working, simply because they don’t see the bigger picture of what you’re going through. Victims of their own insecurities or even seeing things through their past experiences, they could create doubts in your mind and ultimately worsen your situation.
Keeping everything to oneself? Not ideal either.
Given all of this, you may want to keep everything to yourself in order to prevent anything from leaking out and to contain everything within the relationship. Unfortunately, if you choose this option, you risk imploding in certain situations due to a lack of perspective.
If our significant other doesn’t come off well with our loved ones, we sometimes choose to only communicate the positive aspects. The goal is then to capitalize on their qualities, which is great! In a way, we all want to do this. Not letting anything slip out is also a way to convince ourselves that everything is okay since no one knows anything. However, over time, we may find ourselves facing challenges that are difficult to understand alone. Not opening up at all, can risk making bad decisions due to a lack of perspective, getting used to certain situations that would become your “normal” even though solutions exist.
Finding the right person is the key.
Why can talking about your couple save it? Well, because locking yourself in your relationship is not the solution! From experience, the risk is to end up suffocating and overwhelmed. The idea is to show discernment when it comes to discussing sensitive subjects related to your couple. The goal is to talk to as few people as possible, choosing wisely who to confide in. This person must be trustworthy and have enough perspective not to change their attitude based on what you say.
I strongly advise you to choose a person who puts your interest and that of your couple ahead of their own insecurities and challenges of the moment. They should also be able to distinguish your perception of situations from their own. Ideally, they should know how to be a listening ear when that’s what you need, but also a good advisor when necessary.
Personally, I don’t hesitate to confide in my closest friends, especially those who have built strong and healthy relationships, whether they are still in a couple or not. I know that they can distinguish their love for me from the situations I tell them to give me the best advice, all without judgment. They also rely on what they know about me to sometimes focus more quickly on the heart of the problem. Generally, I choose my confidant(s) based on the degree of maturity with which they approach couple-related questions.
There are great advantages to confiding in the right people.
Talking about your couple can also help you feel less alone in the trials you face! A relationship is first and foremost a living thing that needs to be maintained. You are not the only ones facing it! The person you choose has had and may also currently have challenges that require adaptations, extra efforts of understanding, and taking a step back.
Talking to a trusted person also allows you to put things into perspective! When your head is full, even a small thing can take on incredible proportions. It is then difficult to put your finger on what is really causing these disagreements. A loved one can certainly identify the source of the problem more easily and help you see it more objectively!
Reach out to your most trusted people.
You can choose from your friends and family. No need to put everything on the shoulders of one person! Don’t hesitate to juggle depending on the difficulties you encounter, the values, and the “expertise” of each. Without overwhelming them with information, choose appropriate and calm moments to discuss things constructively.
The essential thing is to talk to find a solution and not to badmouth the other! The strongest couples are those of which we know the least amount of private things!
