We have all heard that patience is a virtue: but how many of us actually put it into practice? How many of us know how to incorporate it into our romantic relationships?
What should be considered as an essential quality does indeed get lost nowadays to thoughts such as “I don’t have time for this anymore”, “if it doesn’t work out on the first date, give up”, or “if things don’t change now, I’m moving on”.
Without realising it, we let our fears make us impatient and, ultimately, they make our quest for love counterproductive. Let’s find out why patience is one of the most important qualities when it comes to seducing and keeping a guy.
Patience proves your self-confidence
Waiting for “true love” – which includes going on a number of bad dates, experiencing short love affairs, and watching the clock ticking away – has made many of us become impatient.
Without realising it, we no longer give things the time to develop and want everything to be ready immediately. We want to be reassured of the other person’s intentions or feelings, right from the start. And we feel a need to fall in love immediately. This impatience shows in our interactions and in our expectations.
Our past failures in love have had an effect on our self-confidence when it comes to believing in love stories, and this creates a form of impatience. Instead of cultivating peace and being able to appreciate each step – from the first time you meet to when you become a couple, all the way through each phase of seduction – we rush to have everything confirmed. And the other person picks up on it! Some people try to convince themselves that this is because they don’t want to “waste their time” anymore. However, most of the time, it’s to cover up a lack of self-confidence and a need for control, which the other person notices.
Self-confidence is an undervalued asset to have when it comes to seduction, whereas by being impatient, you run the risk of showing emotional dependence – no matter whether it is real or can just be perceived that way – which tends to scare people away!
Patience removes pressure
When you are impatient, it takes its toll on your partner or the person you are dating. You’ve probably heard the saying: people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel? By being impatient, you risk making the man you want feel like he is under pressure.
Even if you try to hide your frustration, it will still show through and put weight on his shoulders. Your needs should be addressed in the right way. When you lack patience, your needs can feel like an order with a deadline. You don’t want the man you are seeing or are with to feel pressured to do things just to satisfy your impatience.
The more pressure the other person feels, the more likely it is to spoil your relationship. It may drive him away. Many women reassure themselves by thinking: he just wasn’t ready. However, if they had just had a little more patience, they might have been able to get what they wanted.
On the other hand, if he stays with you despite the pressure, you risk creating a companion who is ready to submit to your impatience and forget his own needs so he can meet yours. He won’t be able to reach his full potential with you, as he will be so focused on trying to satisfy you and fit into your boxes… which will still not be enough for you after a while!
I have met men who, from the start, put pressure on themselves to “measure up”. I could tell that every one of their moves was measured and controlled, as if they were walking on eggshells and felt intimidated. Unfortunately, although they may have been great guys, I never felt like I could discover who they really were.
Even if they had been on several dates, the imbalance ended up taking hold… It might be that these men had become accustomed to being in a subordinate position when it came to the women they liked. On the other hand, when the man in front of you feels free to be himself, you get the chance to form a real connection. If you like the man you are dating, you have everything to gain by not passing on your frustrations to him. The more he feels free to be himself, the more it will benefit you, as you will be able to discover who he really is.
In a relationship, being patient allows the man you are with to evolve and adapt to your needs over time. Your patience shows him that you believe in his ability to adjust. Instead of feeling under pressure, which will tend to make him tense and even discourage him, and could eventually drive him away, he will feel your love. This will motivate him to put in the effort required.
Patience with your own feelings
When impatience is present at the beginning of a relationship, it creates a form of control that limits the possibilities of the relationship evolving.
It is difficult for connections and exchanges to be built naturally, as the desire to quickly draw conclusions can be strong. But when you cultivate patience, you are creating the space for beautiful stories to be built.
One of my best friends always let her relationships unroll by themselves, without being impatient, including when it came to her feelings. While many people are quick to want to feel strongly about someone they have just met, she was always relaxed about it. She allowed things to happen.
As long as she ‘liked’ the man she was seeing, and there were no major red flags, she continued her journey with him. This is exactly what she did with the man who is now her husband. At the time I didn’t understand how she could be with a man without being madly in love with him after a few dates. But her feelings towards him developed over time. Now, they are not only married, but more importantly, they are madly in love and madly happy together! They took it one step at a time until their relationship became a reality.
Patience is key in allowing each other to come to terms with the past, and with flaws and differences. Couples must have patience towards each other, but also towards themselves, so that they balance each other out. It will also mean you can see each other evolve on a personal level. By showing each other patience, you are giving yourselves the space to grow in the relationship.
Differentiate between taking your time and wasting time
Sometimes one person is taking their time while the other is losing their patience. For the person who would like things to move faster, this is where patience comes in. If they want the relationship to work, they need to be patient and learn to take their time too. In my friend’s case for example, she was taking her time, patiently, while her future husband was doing the same. This is key, so you can give the relationship a chance.
On the other hand, sometimes the man that you are seeing is not investing his time, and he is making you waste yours by keeping you at arm’s length. It’s not a question of developing your patience endlessly and in vain, you need to know how to recognise the signs of a lack of interest so that you don’t give him any more of your time.
Being patient does not mean that you have to wait forever. It means that you are giving time to the important things, like your feelings, and you allow time to pass between two dates and two interactions. Patience does not mean turning a blind eye, as it goes hand in hand with an acute awareness that you are with someone who is interested in you and who treats you well. Patience can exist and be appreciated because it is coupled with the fact that you know how to set limits, and that when a man shows flagrant signs of disinterest, you are able to quickly put that fish back into the sea.
