As you’ve often heard, sex is essential to a couple’s longevity! I agree. Now that you know how to prevent routine from setting in, we’ll have to go a step further to understand what the other decisive factor is in your long-term sexual fulfilment. Mind you, this has nothing to do with performance!
We’ve been lied to about our sexuality
For a long time, we were led to believe that our body, our age, what we accept or don’t accept in intercourse, and our experience, were the parameters responsible for a couple’s sexual fulfilment, and therefore its longevity. But we forgot to mention one essential thing: that our sexuality is sacred!
A study conducted in the United States at the University of Pittsburg looked at the real reasons why people remain sexually active in their relationship. The researchers administered a sexual satisfaction test to over 600 women aged between 44 and 69. Of this sample, 2 out of 3 were still sexually active. When it came to satisfaction with intercourse, the scores were fairly low, but paradoxically, 4 years later the researchers repeated the test and found that 85% of those who had been sexually active 4 years previously were still sexually active.
This suggests that the ‘quality’ of sexual relations does not affect whether or not a woman continues to have sexual relations over time. After forty, women have many reasons for having sex that go beyond the ‘quality’ of their relationships. In the end, it emerges that the only real parameter for predicting continued sexual activity over the years is the importance attached to sex by both partners.
Restoring the importance of sex
Without neglecting the satisfaction of each partner and the pleasure shared in your lovemaking, you need to give, or give back, to your sexuality the importance and place it deserves within the couple. This starts with timing.
The moment when you decide to have intercourse with your partner is important. If you postpone this moment until late in the evening, just before going to bed, unconsciously it means that you are relegating your sexuality to the back burner, it’s no longer your priority, it’s the very last thing on your agenda. Remember the first few times you’ve slept with your partner, often with the excitement of discovery, the first sex is more spirited and relaxed, and takes place in the moment, when the desire is felt and not after 10pm when all the lights are off. You need to reproduce and rediscover these moments!
Connecting with your partner
The film and pornographic culture has a lot to do with our growing difficulty in creating an intimacy of our own in which we feel fully liberated, comfortable and connected to the other person. The women’s press is not to be outdone either, as it almost gives instructions (sometimes in the form of instructions) on how to make the other person come, or on the 5 best positions for achieving orgasm. Perhaps you’ve already tried these positions but failed to reach nirvana? It’s not your practices as such that are conducive to mutual satisfaction or the creation of a connection.
It’s your listening to each other, your communication, your exchanges, your attempts and failures, that are an integral part of establishing a special sexual connection with your partner. And practising the Kamasutra at the top of the Himalayas or during your stay in Punta Cana won’t change a thing. So how do you communicate easily with your partner?
Talk about sex
What often blocks men sexually is the fact that they don’t know what we like and don’t understand our expectations. So yes, there are men who think more about satisfying themselves than us, but that’s far from the majority. Communicating during sex by whispering in our partner’s ear what we like can only help him to improve and give us more thrills. Don’t be afraid to verbalise your sensations and the pleasure you feel during the act, to give some sort of direction.
It’s not a question of forcing yourself when the circumstances are bad, when you’re exhausted, or when your head’s not in it. On the other hand, you absolutely must think about explaining your reasons to your partner. Imagine you came to him full of desire and he rejected your advances without explaining why, or telling you when you could get back together? Wouldn’t you be a bit offended? It’s the same thing for men, so to take care of your relationship, communicate about your sexuality too.
What men think
Now, if we had to give you all the resources you need to make your sexuality flourish, this article alone wouldn’t be enough, even if it lays the foundations and gives you a few reminders that can help you, because the people best placed to give you information are…. men. Because in reality, there’s a big gap between what men say to their friends, the ideas they sometimes express on social networks and the reality of what they feel and their vision of sexuality in a couple!
Personally, I’ve always wanted to know what was going on in their heads, and questioning them directly as a woman didn’t give me the answers I wanted. Obviously my exes (I think) didn’t want to offend me and probably preferred to tell me what I wanted to hear rather than what they were really thinking. If that’s the case for you too, Yann has made a 1-hour video on the subject. He finally lifts the veil on what men think and gives us some very concrete explanations on how to become our man’s best fuck and, above all, create that essential sexual connection with our partner!
