Why is it essential to surround yourself with the right people?
Because things generally fall into place quite naturally, we don’t always realise the importance of those around us. We choose our friends according to the paths that cross and our chemistry. Little by little, habits set in and, even if our feelings change, we maintain certain relationships, often by convention. And therein lies the worry. The people around us play a key role in every decision we make, and therefore in who we are. The people around us have a front row seat to our lives. They advise us and share their visions with us, which has an impact on our own perception of things. Surrounding yourself well gives you the chance to move in the right direction, to see things in the best possible way and to have a solid base in case of problems.
What is a toxic person?
A toxic person is someone whose presence, attitude, words or actions tend to drag you down. You may not realise it straight away, but this person drains you of energy, gradually leading you to have a negative view of life or of yourself. This person may even bring out certain negative aspects of your personality. However, a toxic person is not necessarily aware of being toxic. They may not realise the effect they are having on the people around them or on you. It’s also possible to be toxic for a while, without it being a permanent state. Because other people are also us, remember that we have all been toxic for someone at some time. A person may also only be toxic under certain circumstances, while being fine the rest of the time.
Learn to identify them
Identifying the toxic people around you is the first step in protecting yourself from them. A person’s toxicity towards you varies greatly depending on how important that person is to you and how much time you spend with them. There are different types of toxic person. Depending on your personality and your sensitivities, you will be more or less vulnerable.
To begin with, you can identify “critics” by their habit of questioning everything without ever listening to the slightest argument. Pessimists and negatives, on the other hand, will find a problem with every solution you suggest. They will find it hard to support you in anything because they will always see only the negative aspects and what could go wrong. They are particularly harmful because they can create doubts in you that prevent you from listening to yourself and making the right choices. Secondly, manipulators and profiteers are those who know how to get out of you what interests them in order to achieve their ends. It will be difficult for you to have a real, constructive and sincere relationship with them. Then there are the envious ones, who secretly never want you to be happy because what they like is to feel envied. They will covet what you have, whether they can admit it to themselves or not. People with anxiety are themselves victims of their own stress, which is contagious! Self-centred people will make you forget that you are important too, because they will always put themselves at the centre of every conversation. It’s not really you they like, but rather what you bring to the table. Nervous people are difficult to deal with and create constant stress for those around them. Instead of concentrating on important things, you’ll be constantly worrying about making sure they don’t get upset. The eternal victims, also easily identifiable, are energy vampires whose need is to complain and be complained about. They can’t get enough of your time and won’t necessarily be grateful for it either. Gossipers are those people who, in order to feel good, have a chronic need to talk about other people and their lives, especially badly. They like to know everything that’s going on so they can tell as many people as possible. Finally, time absorbers are those people who have very little regard for your time and will constantly ask you for advice or a listening ear, without even asking if you’re available.
Clean up your environment
Once you have identified the toxic people around you, the idea is to work on protecting yourself from them. Distancing yourself can be a necessary step in allowing you to detach yourself emotionally and approach the relationship with more distance. Bear in mind that just because you distance yourself from someone doesn’t mean you no longer love them. It simply means that you love yourself enough to choose to do what’s right for you. Also, when you are in contact with this person, because you have put your finger on their toxic aspects, you will be less sensitive to them. Remember that this person perceives things according to his or her filter, so you won’t let him or her get to you and follow his or her lead.
Once again, some people are only toxic in certain circumstances or for a given period of time. So you can take the temperature from time to time, but don’t let your guard down too quickly. If the person in question is too close to you or the situation has become too entrenched, don’t hesitate to talk about it and, potentially, to get help.
