Do not trust the somewhat catchy title, this article is very serious because I asked hundreds of men by asking the question in my private group to tell me what they found uncomfortable, unpleasant or strange when they had sex with a woman for the first time.
Here are the answers that had the most votes, I give them to you raw, as they formulated them, let’s see what we can learn from them…
Lack of confidence
“In general, when the girl is really not at ease with her body / does not trust herself (even though you find her sexy, otherwise you would not be there) it lowers the tension a bit.”
“When she says: Can you turn off the light?”
Feeling the other person at ease is important to be able to have a good time yourself. It’s a bit like going on a trip with someone in a bad mood: it’s hard to enjoy it. It is the most important thing in the eyes of men.
Fortunately, confidence is something that can be cultivated. To start, and as written in the comment, understand that if you did not please him, you would not be in bed with him. Everyone has little flaws (him too) but in this area we are not objective, if they exist for someone it is mainly for you. In the end, it does not matter because men focus on what they like and what stimulates them.
Second thing, confidence in her physique is translated into greater freedom (freedom of action, freedom to see, freedom to touch) which allows not to be in static judgment but in movement and creation. She who assumes what she is and what she does is terribly seductive in the eyes of men, her ease fascinates and gives her an ageless beauty: The secret to working this confidence is not to try to forget her body but on the contrary to reappropriate it by spending as much time as possible connecting to it.
Lack of connection
“Coldness. Lack of sense of exchange. She does not let go.”
Connection is the feeling of the same thing at the same time, if the connection is important in a date it is just as important sexually. In bed, there are 4 ways to communicate: through the voice, through touch, through movement and through the gaze. If you do not look at each other, if the position provides little contact, if one moves and the other does not, and finally if you do not exchange any sound you will have the sensation of being totally disconnected. The idea is to balance the absence of a mode of dialogue with another: if you do not look at each other, talk to each other. If you do not talk to each other, touch each other. If there is little contact, try to favor movement, if he moves and you do not, grab him firmly.
Hair removal
Well, I still asked the men about this point to get more details. It’s not the presence of pubic hairs that bothers them, many enjoy them, but the fact that they are completely wild for several weeks.
Lack of empathy
“Incomprehensible (when it’s fast or when there’s a breakdown)”
Men are particularly nervous the first time they sleep with a woman they care about, they consider it a test. Two things will cause one or the other of these disorders: too much excitement and the pressure of the result (there is also alcohol but that is another story).
When performance is not up to par, believe me, a man feels very stupid. Three options then open up to him, apologize, blame something else (it’s the condom!) or have the essence of not giving a damn. The male is proud and it is often the last two options that prevail. The best attitude you can have is not cold distance, not to scold him, not to try to reassure him with kind words, which will result in further sinking him into his status of victim, but to make sure that the game can continue in another way. Ask him to caress you, for example, by focusing on something else his excitement can come back naturally and if the report continues he will not have the unpleasant feeling of having messed everything up.
The unconscious
“I had one who wanted to do this without a condom … I told her: if it’s like that I put my pants back on and leave. She found a condom very quickly! Afterwards she told me that it was because she did not want it to be just a one-night stand.”
Yes, it happens to women too. 😬
I wanted to write this article because we are never very comfortable the first time and we first see our own difficulties, so we figure less those of the partner and I think it is valid for women as for men.
Women often have the sensation of having to “satisfy” and men have the sensation of having to perform. Now, and these testimonies prove it, men are looking first and foremost to feel a connection in the act and to live it with the same intensity, the same pleasure, they clearly do not want to have fun alone.
