Hello Yann, I am taking advantage of this live broadcast, thinking that maybe you could answer a question for me. Here’s the story: I matched with a boy on Tinder and right away he told me “I’m not looking for anything serious,” but he would like to introduce me to a friend and we could discuss a decoration project (because he could help me).
Anyway, we planned a meeting supposedly not on a date. We ended up spending the whole evening together, and at the end he said “I won’t let you go, I won’t introduce you to my friend, I’ll keep you for myself.” However, when I told him I had been married, he was taken aback as if he had some expectations. The thing lasted about three weeks, we saw each other regularly, he took my news every day and talked a little about his days, etc. One day I asked him what his intentions were, and he said he worked a lot and didn’t have time for a serious relationship.
My question is: do you think this is true? And why change his mind at the moment of meeting me, then change his mind again now? He was giving me small fits of jealousy almost as if I was the one asking for more commitment, while I was telling him, “go have fun somewhere else if you want.” I am lost and I told him that maybe I was not good enough for him and that he should tell me if that’s the case… No response. I respected his choice without reproaching him, but I still don’t understand this double change of attitude. If you could answer this question if you have time, it would be really cool.
Thank you in advance, Sophia.
Hello Sophia,
I like your question because it’s a problem that many women face and that can be easily avoided. But before that, I’m going to start with the end of your message when you said:
“I told him that maybe I was not good enough for him and that he should tell me if that’s the case.”
Under no circumstances should you devalue yourself. Under no cir
cumstances should you tell a man that you’re not good enough. It’s a bit late here, but I’m saying this for tomorrow and for all the women who will read this article. Confidence is an incredibly important quality for attracting men; it’s a quality that will unsettle them. When you tell a man, “I’m probably not good enough for you,” it’s sabotage, and he will believe what he hears. “Oh yes, that’s true, maybe I can find someone better.”
It’s better to say nothing and let him believe that he may lose you forever and never find another woman like you. I understand that you won’t always have confidence in yourself, and you won’t always feel at the top of your seduction game. That’s perfectly normal, and it’s the same for everyone. But as long as you don’t say anything, no one knows.
Beware of interpretation
An enemy in male-female relationships that makes us lose our time and our minds is interpretation. Here you feel lost because you want to give meaning to things that don’t necessarily have any. When you tell him that you’ve been married in the past and he’s surprised, should you draw a conclusion about his feelings? I don’t think so. The most plausible hypothesis is that he’s simply surprised to learn this. Just as if you had told him you had a bionic leg or that you were a millionaire who gave everything to charity. You understand that I don’t think there’s anything to interpret here because it’s just a reaction.
It is necessary to believe a man who …
“One day I asked him what his intentions were, and he said he worked a lot and didn’t have time for a serious relationship.”
On the one hand this is important and you should not overlook this sentence. When asked “what are your intentions?” a man who is not too sure but wants to get to know you a little better will never say something like this, so categorically. At best, he will show his interest, or he will remain more vague, saying for example: “I don’t know yet, but I want us to keep seeing each other.” This man is telling you directly that he doesn’t want a relationship, twice: first at the beginning and then three weeks later when you ask him to confirm.
As soon as a man utters these words, you can be sure that you will be playing with fire. My advice to those who don’t want to get stung: as soon as you hear that, run away. Instead of trying to convert someone who doesn’t want a relationship (it’s not your job), use your energy to find someone who is already open, or at least who shows no reluctance.
