How many times have we been amazed by the quality of advice we give to our friends? We take the time to listen, evaluate and ultimately find appropriate solutions. Yet, when it comes to ourselves, we seem to be less creative… The idea is simple: what if we became our own best friends?
We give better advice to others
We treat and advise our best friends with all the love possible. We want the best for them and we don’t hesitate to show them their value in order to allow them to reach their full potential. When they have a problematic situation, we know how to judge the issues and guide them as best we can. Apart from the lighter moments that make up a friendship, these moments are also important. Thus, it seems that we are better at developing better advice for others than for ourselves. Although obviously, the actions taken are ultimately up to them, the best course of action often appears quite clear to us. How does this happen? Simply put, our perspective is different when we are not personally involved. It is thus easier to be objective and have a fair assessment of things when it comes to an external person.
Emotions are the heart of the issue
The reason why we struggle to give ourselves the same quality of advice as we do to our friends is simple: our emotions! When it comes to our friends, we set our emotions aside to distinguish the best course of action. However, when we try to make a decision for ourselves, our emotions come into play and can tip the scales. Sometimes, the influence is so strong that we can actually feel stuck in a given situation. Also, it can happen that when loved ones advise us, even though their ideas make sense in our head, we still struggle to put their advice into practice because it seems too far from what we feel. What happens within us is stronger, and once again, we lack perspective. So, while we would know how to advise a friend in a similar situation and would be able to see clearly the actions to take, when it comes to ourselves, we are blinded by this emotion .
Intellect shouldn’t take up all the space
That being said, we might think that the solution would be to base our actions solely on rational principles… Is that really a good idea? On paper, we might tend to think so! After all, by only considering the facts in decision-making, the margin of error seems rather small. However, going beyond the facts would be very difficult to execute, obviously the results wouldn’t necessarily be very good either. Many things escape our eyes and intellect. Some circumstances may deserve to give more importance to our own actions, but not all! We would risk missing out on a lot of things to consider, in addition to experiencing the conflict that would come between the heart and the head.
What do our closest friends expect from us?
Although we try to expect as little as possible from the people around us, we know that we can count on certain qualities of our best friends. Even though they vary depending on the people and the relationships, there are certain “basics” that we find in these relationships. Our friends certainly aren’t aware that they expect anything from us, just as we don’t really think about it either. However, like any relationship, friendship is based on implicit principles. Thus, I imagine that when my friends are in a difficult situation and contact me to talk about it, they expect from me, without really knowing it, that I listen to them, but also that I am patient and calm, that I let them express what they feel without judging them, and that I take the measure of what they are going through. Ideally, they would benefit from me guiding them to the best of my ability through the perspective they find most difficult to take.
The mirror effect: what if it was your best friend?
As you may have guessed, you know how to give your best when it comes to your friends. Do you think you’re just as forgiving, patient, and kind to yourself? Maybe not? It’s time for that to change! You have all the keys within you to support, encourage, and advise yourself! The idea is not to get rid of your friends, on the contrary, but to learn to distinguish what is best for you in the same way you would for your best friend. The trick? Simply ask yourself the following question: if it were [your best friend’s name], what would I advise her?
It may seem silly, but it works! By visualizing your best friend, or a close and dear person to your heart, you will be better able to balance your emotions and intellect. You will handle the situation with more calm and perspective! We often need a mirror to measure things. However, you won’t always have a person in your environment in your situation at the same time as you to allow you to have the necessary judgment . This technique will allow you to take the distance you need. I use it regularly, and it helps me calm my emotions to see the path to follow. I’m not saying you’ll always follow your advice cheerfully! But you’ll always know it’s the best thing to do! Give yourself what you know, how to give to others; it will help you make your decisions!
