There is one question in particular that comes up time and time again in the dating world. Whether it’s in a message, or on a date, you are sure to hear:
“What are you looking for?”
Being asked this question has made many women panic, and not without good reason. Letting your guard down and revealing that you are looking for something serious before you’ve even kissed can make the seduction game turn stale. It risks making you look desperate, like you are ready to give the job to the first guy that comes along.
Of course, you are in fact looking for something serious, but until you have been on several dates with him, you won’t know if he is really the right fit for you. Ideally you want him to be the one who asks to be part of your life, not the other way around.
Here are some different ways of answering that question that will keep you in the running, and make you look like a prize in his eyes:
” Why? Are you already in love with me? “
Some straightforward teasing helps to buy time if you feel the question is coming too soon.
” I want to get married and have 16 children. Are you keen? “
To test his sense of irony.
” I’m looking for someone who doesn’t make comments while we’re watching a series. “
Instead of showing your hand first, you respond in a light-hearted way.
” I’m looking for a man who likes olives (because I don’t eat the olives on my pizza). ”
Same as above but the Italian version.
” Let’s get to know each other first and see where it takes us 😌“
Or how to avoid answering the question and be mysterious.
” I am looking for a guy who knows how to find cheap flights. “
Still playful, but at the same time shows that you need a man by your side (which goes down better than saying you don’t need anyone).
” I am looking for a man whose actions speak louder than his words. ”
A way of showing that actions matter more to you than words.
” I am looking for someone who is independent, honest, and can make pancakes. “
Take the opportunity to show that you know what you are looking for by naming two traits. These can be related to personality or values, and then you can finish with a touch of humour (which may mean he then answers back playfully).
When you respond with humour, there is nothing to stop you, once he has finished laughing, from continuing in a more serious tone. Say something such as, “Seriously, I don’t know how to answer that question. I need to get to know someone before I know if I want to take it further.” You remain in the position of someone who knows what she wants, rather than someone who is expecting something. It’s better to be someone who chooses her man for herself, so he always feels he has to make an effort.
It is important to be able to juggle two ideas at the same time.
Yes, I am looking for a good person to have a lasting relationship with. And at the same time I’m not going to get ahead of myself and fall in love with the first person I meet.
Without answering “something serious”, if you do have criteria that is very important to you, this is the opportunity to bring it up. Then he will know what it is, and you show him that you know what you need. Remember, a woman who knows what direction she is going in is more likely to make a man want to be part of her life. When we get on a train, we like to know where it’s going.
