Once you’ve got past the initial moments of discovery and surprise linked to your new relationship, it will be important to share values with your partner to give your relationship every chance of lasting. Naturally, you’ll want to keep things as light-hearted as they were at the beginning: one doesn’t prevent the other! But a solid, shared foundation will enable you to see further ahead.
Love
Although this may seem obvious in most cases, it’s important to stress it. Love for each other and for yourself is the most important value to share with your partner. In the best of worlds, all couples’ relationships would be based on a shared and healthy love, but in reality this is not always the case. Sometimes people get together to overcome loneliness, to find their place in society or to meet other needs. The fact is that if you don’t love each other sincerely, sooner or later it will turn against you. Without love, there’s a good chance that once the need has been satisfied, you’ll get bored and want to look elsewhere for what you need.
The love you share serves as a basis, but you also have to know how to love and love yourself in the right way. By this I mean that it’s important to make sure that everyone is able to understand and receive each other’s love. We’re not all sensitive to the same ‘languages’ of love. Certain gestures may mean a lot to your partner but not much to you, and vice versa. Knowing how to understand what the other person likes enables us to pass on our love through what they like, rather than what we would like to receive in their place. Kindness and understanding of love are the key! Loving yourself is also essential if you are to listen to yourself, get to know yourself and be able to guide your partner as to what is important to you.
Communication
This second value, which is also well known, needs to be carefully considered. It may sound clichéd, but in this age of short messages sent on the go, knowing how to communicate well can change everything. We don’t all have the same needs when it comes to exchanges. Some people communicate a lot, while others are satisfied with little interaction. But that’s not the point. It’s about knowing how to communicate what’s important so that the other person can understand. Learning to listen to and hear each other not only helps you to get to know each other better but, above all, it enables you to build on the foundation of trust that you are building by doing so. It’s not always easy to expose our insecurities and needs. We sometimes hide them behind misplaced pride by taking the other person as our opposite. And remember, there’s nothing worse than being ignored. Learn to bear in mind that if you’re in a relationship, you’re “together” in the situation and so the other person, despite his or her blunders, wants things to work out! Because nobody’s perfect, communicating sincerely and clearly about what you’re feeling and going through will help you to understand each other better and deal more effectively with situations that put your relationship to the test. Communicating in the good times will also bring you closer together, without a doubt! Don’t hesitate to vary the means of communication according to your needs: the written word, the spoken word, pictures…
Respect
This final key value is necessary for your relationship if you want to move forward together. Respecting each other and respecting oneself are essential values in any healthy relationship. Respecting the other person includes respecting their needs and differences. We sometimes tend to want to shape a person in our own image and, ultimately, try to change them. However, respecting someone also means accepting them as they are and loving them for who they are now, not who we think they could become. This obviously goes both ways. When I met my partner, I was about to leave for a long time abroad and had ambitions to continue on my path afterward. While he could have wanted me to come back to France out of fear that distance would separate us, he was the first to support my decision and encourage me to pursue what I wanted. His respect for my desires and his lack of imposition in my life allowed me to trust him more and believe even more in our relationship! Now, respect in a couple also implies sticking to what we commit to with each other. Being reliable and consistent is reassuring for both partners, who can gradually build a foundation knowing that the other person keeps their word. Out of respect, it is important not to speak too quickly, not to commit before being sure, even with good intentions! Lastly, it also involves respecting each other’s privacy. Knowing what can be said and done in public versus what cannot, based on both partners’ expectations. By respecting each other, whatever happens, you will protect yourselves from additional problems and provide your relationship with the foundation it needs to move forward!
The relationship is constantly evolving
It is important to ask yourself if you share the same values before committing to a relationship, to establish a framework, reveal your way of functioning, and try to understand the other person’s as well. This happens gradually through discussions during the first few weeks. Then, it is important to be aware that the relationship is constantly evolving: like in a journey, you both move forward in the same direction. The subject of dating is constantly discussed, studied, and analyzed in society, but relationships much less so. However, a relationship in which we progress and flourish contributes greatly to our daily happiness. The couples that last in the long run are those who have worked on their relationship; we explain how in our mini-video training on how to make my relationship last.
